Goodbye, New England Clam "Chow-dah"

This has been one extremely depressing sports year for me. Early in 2007 I traveled to Foxboro to witness the Jets - Patriots Wild Card Playoff game first hand at Gillette Stadium, and left with my tail in between my legs. Then, the Rangers went down in the Playoffs thanks to (at the time) Buffalo's Chris Drury with 7 seconds left. Then months later, the Mets treated me and the Shea Faithful to the biggest collapse in MLB history. Now, 7 games into the NFL season the Jets are all but finished, and the Patriots are trying to complete a perfect season with what may end up being the greatest football team ever assembeled. Like I have said to my cousin Ben, sports can make you feel as though you just pulled out of the driveway, and hit your dog.

But in 2004, when the Mets still stunk and the Jets lost in the Divisional Playoff game thanks to Herman Edwards crashing the metaphorical "bus" vs. the Steelers and killing everyone that was on it, I found peace in the fact that the Yankees (my most hated team at the time) lost to the Red Sox. Not only did they lose, but they blew a 3-0 lead, something that had never happened before in baseball history. It was moderately satisfying, yet a little pathetic. At the time though, it served as nyquill from the sports world. But now, things have changed. A New York sports franchise has not won a Championship since 2000 (Yanks over Mets), and since then the New England region has won 4 sports Championships, and if all goes well for them this year it will become 6. Enough is enough.

tom brady: posterchild for new england patriots; goat lover

I've reached the boiling point. I used to enjoy success from the Red Sox, however this does not happen anymore. I am so enraged by the Patriots fan base, and the entire Boston area fan base to as well, that I truly wish the Yankees could switch places with the Red Sox right now. There, I said it. If Mets fans would like to start calling me Benedict Arnold, then thats fine. History lesson sports fans, where was Benedict Arnold born? Norwich, Connecticuit. Where is Connecticuit located? New England. If Benedict Arnold were around today, would he be a Boston area sports fan? Yes. Case in point, Boston area/New England sports fans support traitors. Congratulations, you are all anti-American.

This was not an easy decision that I came to. I despise the Yankees, I always will. But now with this recent wave of success going to New England sports fans heads, every team from this hell-like region has become enemy numero uno. My hate has become so extreme, I will no longer acknowledge a few things that are in some way shape or form, associated with the New England area.

1.) Jimmy Fallon (movies and cd's)
2.) Dane Cook
3.) New England Clam Chowder
4.) Tea
5.) Hats that were made to look worn out and beat up
6.) The Departed (hardest thing to let go of)

this skit used to be funny. now? not so much

The list will continue to grow just like my hatred. I'm not going to feel happy for Red Sox fans whenever their team wins from now on, I'm not going to be rooting for Matt Ryan to win the heisman trophy, and I'm not going to apply to colleges in New England anymore (OK maybe not this one). So yes, being a New York sports fan is hard right now, it seems like our rival city has everything going for them, and it hurts, it hurts terribly. It makes you want to crawl into a cave, and stop drinking tea, and stop watching the Departed, and stop watching Jimmy Fallon look into the camera in every single SNL skit, but we can't let that happen. Because if we let that happen, then they really have won the battle between cities. And besides, everyone's success comes crashing down on them sooner or later. Think Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Richie etc. But the biggest parralel you can draw, is New England Sports fans and the O'Doyle family from Billy Madison. O'Doyle rules?



I think not.

Looking Forward to the Draft... in October

I can't really say that I'm surprised, but at the same time, this terrible display of football from the Jets still hurts terribly. It's like when you find out that the girl who you know is extremely far out of your league, really is out of your league. The girl in this case being the Superbowl, and me (or whoever) being the Jets. Not surprising, but still makes you angry.

good for nothin', cant play nose tackle or defensive end, quarterback

We all know about the 38-31 loss yesterday in Cincy. We all know about second half where the Jets couldn't respond to 21 points that were put up by Carson Palmer and the Bengals high octane offense. And we all know that it wasn't the defense's fault but rather Chad "Noodle Arm" Pennington's that Kenny Watson looked like Barry Sanders. At least that's what Jets fans want to believe. Buying into their own lies more than Marion Jones after the fifth time she told reporters she never used steroids. Woops.

The season is done. Try and repeat that to yourself until it sinks in, because to think that we can go 9-0 or 8-1 from here on out is an absurd thought. The Mets would have to be leading the AFC East in order for us to do that, instead the team leading the AFC East is the Madden team I assemble every single year, only they are real. So with the playoff's lost, the question now turns to, what is next? Here are a few things that I would like to see the Jets do this year.

- Start Kellen Clemens: I have always loved Chad Pennington. He is and always will be my favorite Jets player of all time, but the time has come for him to take the backseat. I would rather have Kellen Clemens go through growing pains in a season that is already lost rather than the '08/'09 season. Its Clementime.

- Start David Harris at MLB, move Jonathan Vilma to OLB: This guy is gonna be a stud. He is the second coming of Ray Lewis, and I say that only because I can't say he is the second coming of Jesus without getting at least a little bit of backlash. Move Vilma to the outside, he's too small to play on the inside of a 3-4. Start Harris and Victor Hobson on the inside with Bryan Thomas on the left, and you have a pretty good looking LB squad.

- Fire Bob Sutton: Yes, the personell he has to work with is nothing special (especially the D-Line), but there is no way Kenny Watson should rush for 3 td's and have over 100 yards on the ground against your defense. He's turned the defense into swiss cheese, only swiss cheese tastes good.

Among other things, these are what I would like to see the most. These changes wont save the season, but they'll at least keep me interested. Otherwise, I'm gonna start posting Mock Drafts which is the last thing I want to do. It's only October, and already I want the season to end. Jets fans are going to need a prescription for adderol pretty soon, the team is not interesting enough to stay focused. On the bright side, at least the Rangers season started.

And they're 2-4-1... shit.

I'll Be Back...

after the All-Star break.

The Future of MSG

sorry about the lack of posts, i'll have at least one article posted by the end of the night, ive been busy. to make up for it, here's a picture.

Are You Kidding Me?

That catch was un-fuckin-believable. Awesome win last night, 17 innings, I'm exhausted. Kudos to the others who stayed up.

Depression of a Knicks Fan, Vol. 2

Alright, everyone relax. We all knew Isiah Thomas couldn't keep making great deals and actually building a decent team. We all knew sooner or later he'd trade for that one player that will screw up everything that was originally pieced together, and will eventually, destroy the team. According to numerous sites and newspapers, the Knicks are seriously interested in acquiring Ron Artest from the Sacramento Kings. Who are the Knicks centering the deal around? David Lee. I knew it weas going to be impossible for me to stay happy. Even though this deal hasn't happened, the rumors have thrown me into a state of depression. Thanks, Isiah.

at least the fans would be able to establish a close, personal relationship with artest

I don't even want to try and comprehend why the thought of this trade has crossed Isiah's mind. Maybe he's always had a secret desire to be a jail warden because he is turning the Knicks locker room into Cell Block D. Zach Randolph and Ron Artest in the same locker room is like putting Gary Busey and Robert Downey Jr. on the same movie set, at least 25-30 people around them are going to die or get seriously injured. I would put money it. It would be part 2 of Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson playing together in a Pacers uniform, but instead of fighting the fans in Detroit, they're gonna be fighting fans in New York. None of us want to see Spike Lee get punched in the face.

Aside from the terrible chemistry Artest would bring to the team, we would be getting rid of our 6th man who is above and beyond the best option we had off the bench in 06-07, and is also the teams best rebounder. God help us all if we're relying on Eddy Curry to grab 10 off the boards a game. Do Artest's scoring and rebound statistics look good? Yes. Is he a great defensive player? Absolutely. But why would the Knicks want to risk the head ache from someone who considers himself a rapper playing basketball while having to depart with an up and coming big man in David Lee? Artest has already maxed out on potential, you know what you're getting with him. With Lee, possibilities are endless. This isn't to say he is going to be a superstar, but the Knicks need players off the bench. As was shown in the Playoffs with Pheonix, if you dont have depth, it's gonna be hard to get far.

...is he serious?

So maybe Isiah got lucky with the Randolph trade, maybe grabbing Demetris Nichols with an '08 #2 pick was lucky also. That's fine with me, I pray to god he continues to eat Lucky Charms for breakfast every morning. But the chances of him getting lucky with a deal for Artest are slim, very slim. You can't rely on Artest to behave in his hometown of New York, that's like asking Snoop Dogg to not smoke weed when he travels to Amsterdam. Imagine the entourage Artest would have around him? Why not just keep the model citizen and terrific option off the bench with David Lee, and tell Sacramento to keep a bottle of Tylenol handy, and deal with Artest themselves. Knicks fans will all be bald from ripping their own hair out if this deal goes through. I can see it now, the next fan handout at MSG is going to be 2 Advil capsules for the first 2,500 fans.

Classic Isiah.

Have Faith... Every 5th Game

Why? Why does this team torture me so much? This entire season for the Mets has been up and down. One minute, they're the toast of the NL blowing everyone out of the water with hitting and terrific pitching. The next minute they're getting blown out by sub .500 teams and look worse than Gwyneth Paltrow in a fat suit. Seriously, the other night Shallow Hal was on and I turned the Mets game off to watch that. It's not something I'm proud of, just a fact. However as of late, it seems that when John Maine take's the hill, the team wants to win. Tonight's 6-2 win over the Astros was no exception.

John Maine > Cole Hamels

In Maine's last four starts, he and the team are 4-0 and have outscored their opponents 29-7. Maine has earned 6 of those runs in 30 IP and in 3 out of the 4 games he has pitched into the 8th inning. We need one of those machines from The Prestige that duplicates Hugh Jackman so we can use it on Maine. And through all of this, Maine has still gone completely un-noticed, which is just fine by him. Maine has come a long way from last years Hiroshima like explosions on the mound, he has now become a pitcher who is consistently determined, and is now the most reliable pitcher on the Mets staff. It may not sound like much given the personel on the staff, but it's a compliment. Trust me.

The point is, the Mets are just flat out better when Maine pitches, and those stats above are closer to his dominating begining of the year which earned him NL Pitcher of the Month honors in April. He leads the team quietly, and refuses to settle for mediocricy. In the 8th inning of tonight's game, Maine got taken out after giving up an RBI double to Carlos Lee or as his fans call him, El Caballo (The Horse). As Maine walked into the dugout and sat down, Rick Peterson came over and began to pat him on the back but Maine didn't look pleased. The man had just thrown 7 2/3rd's innings of terrific baseball but because of one RBI double he gave up with a 5-run lead, he was upset. He wanted to finish that inning unscathed. He wanted to go in for the kill, but couldn't. He was also probably angry because he gave up a double to someone who will later in life, be sold as glue. That's a legitimate pet-peeve.

Carlos Lee

John Maine's determination to finish off the game and get the win is what every player on the Mets needs to do. Instead, the team has been playing the way Keith Hernandez acts while in the SNY booth. In the famous 8th inning of tonight's game, Keith was shown without shoes and socks on, feet kicked up on the desk and slouched in his chair while doing the telecast. When Gary Cohen told Keith he was being shown on the air, Keith quickly threw his legs under the desk and looked more embarrased than pretty boy Brady Quinn after every team in the top 10 of the 2007 NFL Draft passed on him, including the team in most need of a QB, the Dolphins. Only Keithe didn't run and hide in the commisioners booth, he just sat there and tried to move along.

Is this not a parrallel with the way the Mets have played this year? It's like as soon as the team starts to take a dip and relax a little bit, they start losing and people are alright with it for the time being. But when it catches on and people are asking what the hell is going on, they quickly try and fix the problem and act like nothing had happened. Well no more emulating Keith and hiding feet under the desk, they need to emulate the Maine Event and play until the final out, and never play on cruise control. Cruise control is dangerous anyway, and only old ladies use it. But if the Mets haven't gotten the wake up call after being swept by the Rockies, I'm not sure they'll get one at all.

Unless us fans start to boo them...

...at 7am.

The Rant: NY Mets

To be blunt, these have been two ugly games at Coors Field, a place where pitchers go to die. Unfortunately for the Mets so-called potent offense, we've only been able to score 5 runs in the two games combined. Mix that with a display of pitching that would make Jose Lima look like a pretty good option right now. I couldn't help but have flashbacks to Lima Time, which is sort of a blur because of the amount of brian cells I lost banging my head against the wall when Jose Lima pitched, when Jason Vargas was hurling last night. It was more depressing than any movie Zach Braff has ever been in. I kept waiting for the Mets to bring him in as a reliever, because then my uncontrolable sadness would have suddenly made sense. So much for that.

dear jason, retire. love, got ny sports

Here's the thing Mets fans need to realize at this point, Oliver Perez and Jorge Sosa won't be back until after the All-Star break, which means we need to deal with one more start each from Mike Pelfrey and Jason Vargas. Vargas, however, may be sent down after his atrocious start last night, and could be relieved by Dave Williams at AAA New Orleans. We could only hope. Not that anyone the Mets can bring in to start a couple games is an ideal replacement, but I would take Chan Ho Park over Vargas at this point. Ok, maybe not but I'm at the point where I'm angry enough to make threats like that.

This whole season has been a lightswitch for the Mets, constantly switching positions from on to off, on to off. It's become a season where the offense is completely underachieving thanks in part to a first baseman who can't hit anymore, and is so old that he cant even reach down to field a ground ball, let alone do the hokey pokey. And if the hokey pokey truly is what it's all about, it may be time to get rid of Carlos Delgado. Willie and Omar's obsession with clubhouse leading veterans is already hurting this team enough (see Julio Franco). With reports coming in about the team's desire to cut ties with Lo Duca at the end of the season, it's becoming apparent the Mets are in for a face lift at the end of the season, and it couldn't come soon enough.

The only problem is Mets fans may have to wait for some serious changes to the team. Your not gonna move Delgado at the trading deadline, and Julio Franco is going to be pinch hitting all year long whether we like it or not. Tom Glavine is still gonna be giving us spotty start after spotty start, and his season is looking more and more like the movie Mr. 3,000 starring Bernie Mac, only this movie is called Mr. 300 and Tom Glavine isn't black. Needless to say, both of these movies suck.

i wasted time watching this, and i'm wasting my time watching glavine

Tonight, El Duque has to serve as the stopper for the Mets, because if they get swept by the Rockies be prepared for an onslaught of news articles comparing the Mets to the Yankees whose season went south after being swept by the Rockies at Coors Field. The bottom line is when you have taken 3 out of 4 from your division rival (the Phillies) in their hometown, you cannot then go and lose to a team that plays in one of the best hitters park's in the MLB and has just come off losing 9 of their last 10 games, but for some reason we can't even score more than 3 runs against them? We had also just won 8 of our last 10. I would expect something like this from the Knicks, but not from the Mets. Maybe El Duque can take a page out of Joey Chestnut's book, who devoured 66 hot dogs today at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. He stopped the bleeding that was Takeru Kobayashi winning an American contest for 6 years in a row. Now, it's time for El Duque to stop the bleeding.

Please god, stop the bleeding.

The Weekend in Review

I think that it’s safe to say, this has been one of the best weeks and weekends for New York sports in 2007. Lets start off with Isiah Thomas actually making a good deal by trading away the bloated salary that is Steve Francis, along with a terrible mid range jump shot 3-4 times a game in Channing Frye for Fred Jones, Dangerous Dan Dickau, and last but not least Zach “Z-Bo” Randolph. On paper, this looks like an absolute steal, and as long as Zach Randolph can stay out of trouble in New York, you know, like not carrying a gun, possession of drugs, or worst of all killing someone, this could be the start of something beautiful at Madison Square Garden. The main word here is "could", because the ceiling for this trade is extremely high, however Eddy Curry may not like other big men who don’t play defense, in which case it could falter. We’ll find out.

does this look like a gun-toting thug to you?

After all of this went down, the Mets then swept a day-night doubleheader with the Phillies at Citizens Bank Park, showing them that they are still the team to beat in the NL East, despite what someone who didn’t even make the All-Star roster may think (cough, Jim-my Rol-lins!). Speaking of the All-Star roster, the Mets have 4 players to contribute to the team this year 3 of whom are starting. David Wright, Jose Reyes and Carlos Beltran were all leading vote getters at their position, and the dominant Billy Wagner got a spot on the pitching roster. I have no complaints other than the fact that John Maine got screwed out of a spot. Maine is 9-4 with a 2.74 ERA and a 1.15 WHIP. The man Mets fans have to thank for Winona Ryder-ing Maine’s spot? Cole Hamels.

Hamels this year is 9-4 (push) with an ERA of 3.87 (advantage Maine) and a 1.22 WHIP (advantage Maine). To make things worse Friday night in the second game of the double header, Maine out-pitched Hamels by going 8 innings and allowing 1 earned run on 4 hits striking out 6 and walking nobody. Hamels on the other hand went 5 innings giving up 3 earned runs on 5 hits, 2 of which were home runs. He also walked 5 batters. So even though when they went head to head the Maine event was victorious, Hamels still gets the nod for the All-Star game. I don’t get it, John Maine is the Maine Event, Cole Hamels name reminds you of a coal miner. And what do coal miners get? Black lungs. What else gives you black lungs? Smoking. The MLB is promoting smoking this All-Star game, real nice.

John Maine could've been a Maine Event of the annual All-Star game, instead the MLB is promoting smoking

But even though the Mets lost the last game of a 4-game series, there was something to soothe the pain. The antidote: the New York Rangers reportedly have signed center Scott Gomez to a 7 year deal worth 51.5 million, as well as signing center Chris Drury to a 5 year deal reportedly worth 35.25 million. Is this a joke? First we draft a top 5 prospect in Alexei Cherepanov, then the Captain Mark Messier gets inducted into the hall of fame, then the Rangers sign two of the best centers in the NHL? What did I do to deserve this? This is like getting all my Christmas presents months in advance only when Christmas comes around I won’t give a crap that there isn’t anything under the tree with my name on it. Not only are both of these players top tier at their positions and make the Rangers a much better team, but we are also weakening two of our division rivals (the Sabres and the Devils). This also means I can forgive Chris Drury for ruining my life in a matter of 6 seconds in the ‘07 NHL playoffs after scoring the goal with 7 seconds to go to tie game 5. You all know the story, and it isn't a bed time story for Rangers fans. It's more of a drunken old 'Nam Vet's innapropriate story for his 10 year old grand children. But after months of cursing Drury out, I’m ready to accept his apology. He knows he made me go pre-maturely bald by causing me to rip out my own hair, and he knows it was wrong, so to make it up to me and thousands of others, he signed with the Rangers. Thank you.

let the past be the past... except for everything that turned out well for the rangers

In Gomez the Rangers are getting someone who has playoff experience, and plenty of it. They can also finally give Brendan Shanahan a true center to play with on the second line. Lord knows we needed one last year. And with Drury, not only are we getting a life ruiner and one of the most clutch players in sports history, we’re getting a Little League World Series champion. One could argue that he was better than Danny “I Shaved at 10" Almonte. Lets see Almonte rock a pair of skates. Drury also gives the Rangers a #1 center for the first line to play with Jagr. So to look at the upcoming two lines next season, the Rangers are going to have 4 legitimate All-Stars on offense on the first two lines.

This is too much to believe, Zeke makes a good deal, and now Glen Sather makes two great signings? What’s next? Pete Kendall and Laveranues Coles suddenly become team leaders on the Jets and are the most enthusiastic about Training Camp and team contact drills? Tiki Barber wins an Emmy? Actually don’t sleep on Tiki, he’s the next Ron Darling. But all of this aside, we’re looking at a Rangers team that is going to contend for the Stanley Cup next year, and make a strong push as long as everyone stays healthy. Pray to Roger McDowell.

So in retrospect, the Rangers, Knicks, and Mets all made a huge splash in the sports world this weekend. Don’t ask me to choose which piece of news pleased me the most because that would be like asking me to choose between Jessica Alba, Rachel Bilson or Scarlett Johanson. In other words, it’s the impossible choice. But championships for these three teams in the next few years is not impossible, in fact it’s probable. Yeah, I said it, probable. Of course, until we see them all play together, its just a great looking roster on a sheet of paper. And I mean really great looking. Maybe even better looking than Jessica Alba.

And that’s really saying something.

The Bubble Gum Hat: A Lost Art

After beating the Phillies in the first game of a double-header on Friday, the Mets were up 5-1 on the Phils in the top of the 9th. Everybody in the dugout was clearly happy, as they were about to complete a twin bill sweep of their NL East rivals, but one player in particular looked especially happy. His name: David Wright.

introducing the devilishly clever, david wright

We all know Wright is one of the team's leaders, both in the clubhouse and on the field. We also know that Wright has a mischievous side, one he chose to use in the top of the 9th inning. How many times did Roger McDowell and the rest of the 1986 Mets play pranks on each other? Pretty often. And now-a-days, you'd be hard pressed to find someone playing a prank on another teammate, unless its the shaving cream pie to the face during an interview after the game. That's like switching everyone's name in a class when you have a substitute teacher. Amateur.

Well Wright brought back an old classic in the top half of the inning, the bubble gum on the hat. Only this one had a twist. The victim: Ramon Castro. How easy of a target is he though? He's got a head like a bucket (hence the name bucket head) and was spacing out more than Ozzy Osbourne during... well, every moment of his life, through out the entire game. Big deal right? Someone pulled a prank, why am I not talking about the game? Because everyone else will talk about the game, I'm hear as an expert on the art of a prank to bring you a step-by-step analysis of how David pulled it off. Let's begin.

Step 1) : Normally, this step would just be to find some bubble game, but instead Wright threw in a twist that was less expected than the Sopranos ending. He grabbed a cup, and at the top of the cup, he stretched out chewed bubble game over the opening. This made it so that he could stick the cup on top of Castro's hat. Simply genious.

note the placement of the cup

Step 2) : Wright got another piece of bubble gum, blew a bubble and stuck it on top of the cup that was already on Castro's head. The cup was green, so the bubble sort of served as a star on top of a Christmas tree. The only thing is Castro's head dwarfed the cup so badly that it may not have been a bad idea to get an actual christmas tree, stick some pine tar to the bottom and plop it right on top of the Ramon's bucket.

look at that form

Everyone in the clubhouse was in hysterics after Wright pulled off the unthinkable. Carlos Beltran who was chatting with Castro keeping him distracted almost had an outburst of laughter too many times. It was a close call and would've ruined the prank. I never would have forgave him. But when Castro did find out about the make-shift christmas tree sitting on his head, he couldn't figure out who did it, because everyone was laughing at him. Finally Wright owned up, and Castro looked a little annoyed, and by a little annoyed I mean his face turned red and he looked like he was gonna go "running of the bulls" all over Wright. I'm sure they kissed and made up.

This was definitley an original technique for this prank that David used. It just goes to show why he is the best young 3rd baseman in the NL. Yeah, you could argue that Miguel Cabrera has better numbers and is a better hitter, but what about the prank factor? Give the nod to D-Wright over anybody in that category. That prank alone should solidify his spart on the All-Star roster. And if it doesn't, stay tuned because the cigarette fire on the cleat may be up next. We'll have to bring in McDowell to disect that one though. For he is, the Jesus of all baseball pranks.

He could even prank Jesus himself.

(thanks to Pick Me Up Some Mets! for the pics)